Yesterday, as I was kicking up dust in the attic trying to stow away the Halloween boxes, my husband shouted up to me “Where are the batteries in the dancing chicken?”

Ok, long story, but yes, we have a dancing Halloween chicken that shuffles around to the beat of Macarana. The battery compartment was empty and he was puzzled. Just yesterday, the chicken had danced across the floor.

I shouted back down through the attic trapdoor, “I took the batteries out before I came up here. You’re not supposed to leave batteries in seasonal items or they might leak and corrode the inside.”

Now, my husband knew this about batteries. What was so baffling to him, however, was that I not only knew this, but had followed up and taken the batteries out before hauling the Halloween box to the attic. I’m not the one who usually tends to those kinds of details. He does. I’m more of a short cutter. I don’t towel dry dishes; nor do I carefully wrap every ornament in it’s own piece of newspaper when I store Christmas stuff. So why, he wondered, would I be so thorough as to take out batteries for storage?

The answer is something we’ve said to each other many times throughout our marriage, and which he shouted up the attic trapdoor to me ¬— “Ah, I know, different wife every day!”

You’re probably wondering what the heck that means? It’s a shorthand term we’ve used through the years to remind each other to really “see” our spouse. People change every day, every moment, yet when we get lazy we carry around an old snapshot of our spouse the way they were last month or last year rather than noticing and appreciating the small shifts. By reminding ourselves “Different wife every day,” we remember to keep our eyes open to each delicious twist, turn and surprise the other has to offer as a constantly evolving human being. If he keeps looking, one of these days he may even see me wrap the Christmas ornaments!

Find your own Pearls: For one day, really notice your spouse (or kids) and look for one thing that surprises you.

Pearls For Writers: Are you making any assumptions about your writing, or its quality, based on who you were last week or a year ago? What would it be like to sit down and write, ready for the surprise a new aspect of you has to reveal?

Have you ever had a lovely evening out with your spouse… only to see it disappear when someone tuned out? That almost happened to me the other night. My husband and I were having a great dinner and I was feeling relaxed and expansive. Then, he started fading. You know the look where someone’s body is there, but you can tell the mind is leaving the premises. With no forwarding address.

When I asked him where we went, he said his back was beginning to ache so he’d started to tune out. Then, he suggested we leave. I watched my expansiveness shrivel; we got the check, and I started feeling downright chilly.

The evening could have ended there. Instead, we stopped by the bookstore, where I decided to look for books in my own aisle, thank you very much. As I grumpily picked through the books, I realized that instead of being present, I kept blaming him for fading and ending our date. Rather than stay stuck in the past, I chose to re-focus on the moment — on the interesting titles, the colors of the book spines, and the little blonde boy squatting on the floor peering at  pictures. I took responsibility for where I was, right then. As I did that, the blame and disappointment melted. When my husband rounded a bend of bookshelves, I was able to hug him with nothing of the past hanging on. We were simply us again, and enjoying the moment together.

Discover Your Own Pearls: Have you ever had a mid-date “moment” with your spouse that was less than ideal? Next time that happens, how can you use “being in the moment” to shift the energy another direction?